GOD MOMENT..

I have really been trying to fall back in the arms of my Father for quite a while. Every since the accident things have been very rocky. I have watched myself turn into someone I despise and followed a road I shouldn't have. Luckily, the journey down that road ended before it got worse. Looking in the mirror, I was constantly disgusted with myself and who I had become. So recently, I have started over. The beautiful thing about my God is that He allows us a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and many many more..chances. I am probably on chance number 10,000 but the beauty in a grace filled God is that I can start over- on a clean slate! It amazes me how quickly I forgot about all the "cliche" things that I learned growing up in church. Things like, He will never stop loving me, nothing I do will ever be "too bad" HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH, everything happens for a reason..(my favorite..not) and so on.
Anyways, lately I have started doing my quiet times and really seeking what God wants from me in this life He's given to me. I have prayed for opportunities to share my story with others so that they may somehow be reached and in return give the glory to God..
Well, turns out that God wants others to change and impact me with their own stories and words of encouragement. Tonight started out as an apology/discussion with one of my best guy friends- we have had some rough patches in our friendship and just wanted to clear the air. While sitting at sonic and confessing everything to him, his words in response blew me away. As if God himself was speaking through my friend, I heard everything I needed to hear- repeat- NEEDED to hear- not wanted to hear. It was the brutal truth of the path I was headed down- The truth of how my parents would feel if they knew that the reason I turned from God was because of their death. The truth of how God's grace is more than enough for me. It was one of the Biggest reality checks that I have ever had. I realized even more now, how much I am taking what God has given me for granted..including my friend. I realize that I have been consumed with only seeing what God has taken from me and not what He has given to me. It is so hard to focus on the good when about 95% of it is just dark and ugly. However, my GOD LOVES ME and constantly showers me with HIS GRACE and MERCY! I have understood grace from a different perspective, but never from my own situation. "If grace is an ocean we're all sinking"- those lyrics as I sang them today and chapel stuck deep in my heart- say it...Grace. Say it again, Grace. My friend helped me see that his friendship was real. He told me to look at all my other friends that I had before the accident and the lousy ones that I gained during the year after- Where are they? Gone. They couldn't handle me or my tragedy..or the fact that I was not okay and I didn't care who knew. But he reminded me that even through all of our tiffs and arguments, HE WAS STILL THERE FOR ME and NEVER ONCE walked away. My Father is like that- no matter how unreasonable, unhappy or selfish I am being- He wants me and He WONT ever walk away from me. He can handle my brokenness, my tears, my sadness, my anger, my confusion and my doubt. FOR ONCE, I have someone who COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS ME- and loves me just the way I am.

So after leaving sonic and parting ways, I came across another friend. I met this guy in the coed who simply said Hi as I walked in. I was drawn to him and wanted to know more about him. Turns out that God was just going to remind me once again of how amazing Him grace is. As this guy and I talked we realized that we both had a dark past and understood pain and grace at a different level than most. We shared our tattoo stories and the reasons for getting them. God showed me physically who he wanted me to be and who He could turn me into..if I would just let Him. This guy I met was once in my spot..kinda. He had/has been through a lot and he chose to walk away from God and do things on his own for a while. Until God revealed Himself to him and eventually drew him back into His arms. He is now so full of life, hope and joy! As I listened to this guy's story, I began to cry. For those who know me, I don't like to cry in front of others- ESPECIALLY the first time  I ever meet someone.. But yes, there I was crying. Fortunately, this guy understood EXACTLY what it's like to be so convicted. I shared with him what I was going through and told him that this was by far a "God moment." God showed me so much in one night and I am totally,completely and joyfully overwhelmed!

"Life is about getting knocked down, Living is all about getting back up"- my new friend