I am so In love with You

I have been struggling with ..being single..lately. I don't feel that I "need" a man, no, it is simply that I feel I have a lot of love to give. I feel that my heart may burst at the wrong moment, and I just want to make sure that my heart goes to the one that God has chosen, not me. It is clear that I don't know how to pick them. Well.. there was an amazing one quite a while ago.. but we were not supposed to be together and so God and him ended it. So, not all are bad.. but so far, maybe, not the right one. Please don't get me wrong, I am in no hurry to get married. I just can't stop anticipating the day when God brings me my husband. This heart of mine is longing to be loved and held and all of those wonderful things, but as for now it needs to be with God and God only. I know that His plan is perfect..and so help me if I try and mess with that..again. Patience, Lord, that's what I need from you. Satisfaction, fulfillment..but most of all patience. It is difficult to sit and wait when I see so many in love. My sister about to have a baby and begin her family and my other sister madly in love with her man as well. They seem to be on a completely different chapter in life then I am. I am okay with that, honestly, but it's a tough place to be. I know that God is in the process of showing me something amazing right now, so I will anticipate that greatly. I was told once that I was still single because God wants me all to Himself right now. He doesn't want anyone else to interfere with our beautiful relationship. That is a beautiful picture. To know that my GOD WANTS ME TO HIMSELF is such an amazing thing. He is not going to bring me this man until I am totally and completely 100% dedicated to HIM first. I am doing my best but it is a challenging process. I realize I am Only 19..but let's be real for a second. Age is just a number for the most part. I had to kiss my youth goodbye last summer and grew six years older overnight. I lost my parents, but along with that went EVERYTHING else. I am more or less on my own and have practically every responsibility that a thirty year old has. Do you see what I mean? The day my parents were taken from me, I lost half my heart- the part that poured out love on them. I no longer had a mom or dad to hug and kiss or say I Love You to. Now that spot has only memories of them and a part where it stings to remember how much I really do love them. That spot is missing a lot of pieces.. and God is filling them one by one. But that part that He installed in me, the overly ridiculously lovey- dovey compassionate hopeless romantic wholehearted entirely smitten..part of me is a bit empty and slightly ready to love someone in a real way. The love between a husband and wife that God talks about in His word.

So.. now that you all think I am a crazed man-obsessed lady.. I assure you I am not. I am simply a lady in waiting. Waiting for GOD to bring me the right man. The one who will love, honor and cherish me until death do us part.... or in my parent case, never part.

I will continue seeking out discernment and doing my best to be patient. I know that in the end it is going to be beautiful.