Thanksgiving number two. Last thanksgiving I was not thankful for anything at all. I was sickened by the thought of trying to find something I was thankful for and instead looked at all the negativity in my life. I was still pissed at God for taking everything away from me, I wasn't getting along with my "new family", I didn't want to eat anything that mom usually made and I didn't want to sit at a table all together because then it was really obvious to tell who was missing.

I am thankful for the change of heart- the painful change but change nonetheless. I can name many things that I am so grateful for. I get along with my "new family" better. I still really don't want to sit at the table together... and I refuse to eat the dressing that is mom's recipe. Those things will change with time.

It is so hard to believe that this is the second thanksgiving without them. So far I am doing okay with this thought- but we will see what tomorrow is like. Each day is tolerable now... however it's these holidays that are the real kickers.

Anytime that friends and family come together and celebrate..those are the toughest for me. It is so blatantly obvious that mom and dad are missing. Two chairs are missing that so desperately need to be filled...

Well.. I can't think like that right now or I will send myself into a fit of tears and a massive headache...and quite frankly I really don't want to do that right now.

So please if you will, keep me and my family in your prayers tomorrow if you think about it. Much love to all who read this and

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!