the valley's grow deeper.

I have prayed so hard. Harder and more intense and sincere than I have ever prayed before.
I have prayed for answers of the past and answers for the future. Answers of life, tragedy and all in between. I am lost and confused. Hurt and shattered.. but still breathing and letting this heart beat for my Savior.
Yet, this valley is growing deeper and darker each day. I cannot fathom all that has happened and I am in denial of the more tragic present that I face today.
Two deaths of friends and loved ones within a few weeks of each other- funerals that brought back so many memories that I have buried deep deep within. My heart is open and pouring out with pain and sorrow...  for those that I lost and those that I love who have lost loved ones recently.
I prayed that God would use me and this gigantic testimony that He has given me...
Now the opportunity is knocking on my door- and I have never ran so fast away.
It scares me- all my scars and those that still have not healed.. are torn back open. I have to become vulnerable once again and tear open those nightmares...to remember and empathize with those who are now facing what I've been through and still face each day.
Broken hearts- so shattered that you can't imagine ever being the same again. 
How am I supposed to tell them everything is going to be okay when I still question that daily? I tell them that God is faithful and He will heal their brokenness with time.... but I lay awake at night and cry for Him to do more. To heal me more. To take away the pain more. To show me more! To bring them back to me. To make all this hell...disappear.
How can I speak truth into them when I still have doubts and when I still have dark moments. When I still cry at the drop of a hat and can barely make it through a worship song or sad movie with out absolutely losing it. Seeing a family at a restaurant and begging God to give it back to me.
How am I supposed to do this?