Falling behind

It has been way too long since I last posted. Life has been so very hectic and busy. Road trips, ER trips, projects, papers and homework- the usual. 
I am trying to think of new news but so far nothing too exciting.. 
I will be adding to my tattoo the day after thanksgiving- I am super excited but nervous of course. If you don't already know, I have a rib tattoo that is 3x6 "Jeremiah 2911"- I am adding a snowflake on the end of it in honor of my mom. My parents "pet names" were snowflake and teddy bear. It was how their anniversary cards were marked and even what dad had embroidered on their stockings. Every time I see a snowflake it reminds me of my mom- and our winters that we spent together as a family cuddled up by the fire. They are beautiful and extremely unique- I hold them to be her kisses from heaven now.
I am still trying to figure out what to add in honor of dad- a teddy bear is just not quite my style- but I know it will come to me eventually.
Last thanksgiving I got my nose pierced with my mom's best friend- we decided that since the holidays suck a lot.. (pardon my french) we will just try to make it fun and memorable... so we are getting our snowflake tattoos that we have wanted for a while.

pouring into those like me

It is 1:10am

my cheeks are stained with mascara and tears- but I think I have finally found somewhere to heal and to serve.

As I was on facebook I saw an add for Camp Erin- when I clicked on it I found out that it was a grief camp for children ages 6-17. My first thought was, I didn't know these existed. My second thought, I wish they had this for my age... and then it hit me..

I need to serve here.

How can I honestly look at this and not feel lead to serve? I have sent out a few emails with my "story" attached along with how badly I would love to serve on their team. I am excited and nervous about this opportunity. I don't feel that this is all by chance- that maybe God really does wants me here.

I have a few concerns-

Am I emotionally strong enough to be a "Big Buddy" to these children who have lost a parent/sibling?

Is this really what God wants me to do?

Am I rushing into this?

I feel that maybe they are in need of emotionally stable people- and unfortunately I am not there yet. I am miles and miles from where I was a year ago- but send me a kid brokenhearted and missing their mommy and you may as well hand me a teddy bear and a box of tissues.. and I will be in their same exact fetal position as them...

it scares me. I become vulnerable and human. 

I really want to be strong for these kids/teens that are dealing with grief- with all my heart I want to be that one person that they can look back and remember something I said/did positive that really helped them along. As we all know it's not me- it's GOD but you get what I'm saying.

This is what is on my heart- please keep this in your thoughts and prayers as I seek to find an answer. God bless you all

update

I am still recovering from my ridiculous all nighter/48 hour nosleepbecausetoomuchhomework thing- But Fall break is here and I am much in need of a nice break

School is going well so far. It has been a rough start to the semester and things are just not the same as they used to be- which is taking a lot of adjusting. However, I have made some pretty incredible friends lately and I am so blessed to know them.

It has only been 24 hours since I left the hill- but I miss everyone already and cannot wait to see them again next week.

**Side note: My awesome friend Jonathan is currently on a plane flying to Bangladesh on a mission trip. I envy all his amazing traveling experiences and hope to one day experience the world for myself.

However, he and his team need a lot of prayer. God of course is always in control but Satan has caused a few stumbling blocks already. There is such power in prayer!**

I am currently lounged out on my sister's couch. She just put Brandon in his swing to sleep and when she gets out of the bath, it's movie time in the big comfy bed that I have missed so dearly!

When people ask me where home is, I no longer get sad and say "It was Bedford but now it's Keller." It's a nice change of tone for once. I love being here with them and now especially with Brandon. They give me just enough freedom but are still here when I need them to be. There is always an adventure ahead with Vanessa and I- it usually turns into tears of laughter.. to the point of buckled overness and can't breatheness.. It's the best.

I am staying here until Sunday- and then I am flying out at noon to see my Aunt Shannon and family. They just moved into a new house and I can't wait to see it :) I miss my SIX little cousins and could use a good pep time with sweet smiles and never ending hugs and hand holding. I believe my aunt and I are going shoe shopping.. we are Great shopping partners! And probably working around the house as well :)

When I get back at around 3:30pm on Wednesday- I am then driving out to Wichita Falls to spend a day or two with my best friend! I can't wait to see her apartment and this podunk town she calls home.

That is all I have for now-

God bless you all