God took over

I look back at the beginning of this past summer and I compare it to this very day- and I realize how completely different I am. I was lost in a world of hurt and darkness. Clinging on to things that I shouldn't have. Hanging with people I shouldn't have..and hurting those that I loved most.

With a very many tear filled prayers and shouts in the middle of my darkest nights- God listened and He comforted me time and time again.

Slowly He showed me that I needed to get rid of all the worldly things I was clinging to- and completely surrender to Him. I fought this for a while but in the end, He redeemed me of such things and helped me back on my feet.

I began to see a slight change in my life starting early August but never paid much more attention to it. However, the past few days all I can think about is how far God has brought me.

I thought for so long that all my cries and prayers were never going to be answered, only heard. I felt so many time like giving up. I felt hopeless.

Until- this past Christmas. He gave me the greatest gift and one that I have been waiting on a long time- He gave me Matthew Tolar. Now I won't spend a lot of time on this topic but as you can see (past posts) things are going very well! I have fallen deeply and madly in love.

This opened my eyes and challenged me to keep praying because ultimately in the end, He'll answer.

Fast forward 2 1/2 months. I, for so long, have desired a home more than anything since the death of mom and dad. I walked out of that house 16 days before moving away to the dorms at DBU- and since then, have never had a permanent home to call my own. Over breaks and holidays all I could do was house hop around between two sisters, my youth pastor and his family, a friends house.. and so on. At times I would think back to how many different places I had laid my head down at- and it devastated me to realize just how "homeless" I was. Now I realize that there truly are homeless people who have it a lot harder then me. Don't get me wrong, my heart sincerely goes out to those people.

Moving on. God has answered yet another prayer- and by a HUGE leap of faith, I am moving into my old house. The one where my parents, my sister, and I used to live. It have taken a very long time to get over going in that house and not having my breath taken away and tears well up in my eyes.. but God has comforted me completely and showed me my home. my real home. I have a lot of work to do on it to make it feel my own- and entirely different then my childhood-- but I find it as a challenge and a HUGE art project. I will be moving in this summer to work on it and continuing through out next semester to work on it until it is ready to be moved into- around late December/early January :)

So... needless to say, God took over. He has restored a very shattered life and heart- and given me hope. He's told me of better days ahead but for once, I can actually see a glimpse of what a better day looks and feels like. I am blessed. So blessed- and I am thankful to be called His daughter. He is my ultimate provider and I have faith that He will carry me through it all!

..LOVE

For the first time ever, I said "I Love You[too]" to the man of my dreams. 

I have no idea how I got to be so lucky [blessed] with him. I honestly and without a doubt, know that God brought Matthew to me after many many many... many prayers. We fit together perfectly like two perfect puzzle pieces.

I've never been so loved and cared for. I feel like I am ALWAY being spoiled and looked after. It is by the far the best feeling I have ever had. I can't share everything that we talk about and the things he says because they are MINE and they are special to me- but goodness, you should hear this guy talk to me. It would make any girl completely melt.

He is my Knight in shining armor 100%

His love is different- It's not just enamored attraction type love- 

It's not puppy love

It's not goofy slap happy love..

It's the Love of Christ beaming from his eyes and from his heart. He understand exactly how Christ wants us to love one another in this way. He loves me like Christ loves His people and His bride. He respects me and appreciates me for ME. He doesn't want to change me but rather embrace me for who God has made me to be. He makes me want to be a better person however. He is one of the godliest men I have ever had the privilege to know. I feel so very special when I am with him- not a "yay I have a boyfriend" type of special- but rather a.. " I finally feel safe and secure and not lonely-loved and appreciated-accepted and adored" type special.

Alongside God, he is helping to heal my heart. God is showing me how to love but Matthew is trustworthy enough to test it out.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Quote Speech

I am presenting one of my favorite quotes as a speech in my speech class- I wanted to give you all a sneak peek and see what you think.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain"

The Summer of 2009 and exactly sixteen days before moving to DBU for my first semester as a freshman, my parents were killed and I became an orphan. 

Life is full of trials and tragedies that completely knock us off our feet hopelessly trying to find a way back up, but the Lord promises to hold us close and never give us something we can't handle. It's said that if you aren't currently in a valley, you will be soon. This quote and any verse about rejoicing in times of heartache, were nearly impossible to grasp at first. No one wants to hear that when going through tragic times. We want to throw ourselves to the ground and cry IT'S NOT FAIR.. 

But I am here to tell you how true it is. We cannot hide or run when life takes the best of us. We have to stand tall and find whatever bit of joy is left. So I close with this.

God is your shelter in this storm you call life

He's your strength to stand

Your joy to move

and your peace to dance in the rain.